Review: You're A Vampire: That Sucks!

Title: You're A Vampire: That Sucks!
Author: Count Domenick Dicce
Publisher: Penguin
Published: October 13, 2015
Paperback, 150 pages
ISBN: 9780399175886
Genre: Nonfiction, Humor
Source: Publisher
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Being bitten by and turned into a vampire isn’t the glitz and glamor that Hollywood makes it out to be. In fact, one out of five newly turned vampires will succumb to a slew of easily avoidable and common pitfalls within their first few months as a nightwalker—tempting garlic-laced Italian food, silver jewelry, and anything with an SPF below 1,000 will have to go.

As an answer to this tragic loss of undead life, “Count" Domenick Dicce has written the definitive how-to guide that just might save your pale, ice-cold skin. This helpful tome will cover everything from Vampire 101—such as hunting, feeding, and getting used to your new powers—to Vampire Graduate Studies—such as coffin selection, the ghoulish world of vampiric social hierarchy, and the universal Laws of the Vampire.

This humorous and giftable guide will be perfect for you or the vampire nut in your life, complete with illustrations throughout.

My Thoughts:

So . . . I expect any day now to be turned into a vampire. Why else would I have this book? If you're recently one of the undead, or soon to be undead, you might want to check out this book: You're a Vampire: That Sucks! by Count Domenick Dicce. 

Why would I need a book to tell me how to be a vampire, you might ask yourself. After all, if you're like me, you've been watching movies and reading books--Buffy, Interview With A Vampire, Twilight, Trueblood, Black Dagger Brotherhood--about vampires for years. Surely you'd have vampirism down by now. But there is a lot of misinformation out there and you don't want your undead years to be shorter than you living years.

That's why this book is so great. Dicce sorts urban legend from fact. In this book you'll learn things such as:
  • Feeding
  • Hunting
  • Weaknesses 
  • Powers (Yes, you have powers!)
  • How to pick the perfect coffin
  • How to manage your money to last you a long, long time
  • How to make friends and not kill them
  • Why familiars are necessary
  • How to turn someone else into a vampire
  • Vampire laws: Why you should follow them
 This is the perfect gift for the newly turned vampire in your life. Dicce approaches the heavy topic with humor and grace. It will make your transition into this new phase of life much easier. And hey, if I accidentally run into you, and mistakenly eat you for dinner, no hard feelings, right?